When I was a little girl, I wanted to be perfect. I wanted the perfect grades. I wanted to be great at everything I touched, and for the most part I was. I couldn’t understand how people couldn’t care less if they did something well, when I would study extra hard to get the 100% on my exams or when I would stay after school for hours practicing my soprano solo for the Spring musical. If I wanted to paint, I did it. If I wanted to travel the world, I did it. If I wanted to reinvent myself, I did it. And it was all done perfectly.
This need for perfection started to take it’s toll when I left for college. Before then, I pretty much had made my mind up that I could do everything perfectly if I simply wanted to. How wrong I was! Some subjects, no matter how hard I studied and quizzed myself - I just came up short. For example, Calculus III… had to take the damn class twice to even remotely begin to understand what the hell they were talking about. And you probably think, damn - Calculus III? Yes, I finally qualified for Calculus IV after two semesters. And look at me now - I think I add and subtract simple numbers once a week when I balance my checkbook. That is, if I actually get around to balancing it.
I label everything. I make lists for everything. I even make lists about lists. My OCD nature makes me jump for joy every time I cross anything off my list. Yet my lists keep getting longer, and sometimes I just can’t keep up…
So, now I try to be the perfect mother, and at times I feel like my perfectionism stands in the way of me realizing that I am doing a pretty good job. I have a toddler who doesn’t sleep through the night. I always have at least one messy room in my house. I have piles of laundry waiting for me. I can’t remember the last time I wore makeup. I am wearing the same sweats I wore yesterday.
Definitely not perfect, but good enough. Yet, I still yearn for perfection because that’s who I am. And that’s when perfection becomes the enemy of good, because I sometimes just can’t give myself enough credit to acknowledge that “good enough” doesn’t have to be perfect.
12 responses so far ↓
1 Kim // Jun 30, 2008 at 2:07 pm
As lame as this will sound.. I could have wrote this post.. I suffer from the same perfection condition.. and I hate that it cripples me sometimes.. because good enough is really were all the fun is.
Kim’s last blog post..Weekly Winners June 22-June 29
2 LaskiGal // Jun 30, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that you aren’t alone in this one. I just did a post that has a very similar vibe.
“I even make lists about lists.” So been there. What the heck, I still AM there.
And you know, “good enough” is a lot more than people give it credit.
LaskiGal’s last blog post..One of THOSE days
3 Miss // Jun 30, 2008 at 3:34 pm
“Definitely not perfect, but good enough”
I hope you dont mind if I rephrase that to “awesome, wonderful, beautiful, funny, sweet, and caring enough.”
Muah!
Miss’s last blog post..Classy Chaos Challenge #1
4 Tara R. // Jun 30, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Just the fact that you worry about being a perfect parent, makes you awesome. ♥
Tara R.’s last blog post..Right or left? eyes, brains, oh my?
5 A Whole Lot of Nothing // Jun 30, 2008 at 3:42 pm
My life is a long line of “good enough.” I’ve labeled myself a Lazy Perfectionist b/c if it can’t be perfect, I don’t do it.
A Whole Lot of Nothing’s last blog post..eDrama
6 MomBabe // Jun 30, 2008 at 4:06 pm
ugh, that’s my problem. And then when it’s not good enough, I beat myself up.
MomBabe’s last blog post..I had to do it.
7 jae // Jun 30, 2008 at 4:09 pm
It took me a long, long time to overcome the very same thing you’re describing. And then in class (psych major) we learned about good enough mothers. Hence the blog title
Good enough IS perfect for kids. Don’t buy into any other lie.
jae’s last blog post..Monday morning thoughts
8 dysfunctional mom // Jun 30, 2008 at 8:42 pm
I’m like A Whole Lot of Nothing……a lazy perfectionist. I want things to be just so, but sometimes the energy to accomplish that is just not there.
Cut yourself some slack! I agree with Jae….good enough is perfect for kids. They will love it if you’re just giving them your time.
dysfunctional mom’s last blog post..Monday Memes
9 BusyDad // Jul 1, 2008 at 3:42 am
I’m a perfectionist. With low standards. Kid in bed? check. Dogs in the house? check. Not banished to the couch? check. It was a good day
BusyDad’s last blog post..Rollin’ on tha Eastside… the Far Eastside
10 Holly // Jul 1, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I like to call myself an ex-perfectionist.
Holly’s last blog post..Fear of unleashed dogs?
11 Sarah // Jul 2, 2008 at 11:35 pm
I feel your pain with your lists and celebrations of crossing them off. It’s hard to STOP trying to be perfect after so many years of trying SO hard.
Sarah’s last blog post..From the desk of Mrs. Bloom
12 jenn // Jul 7, 2008 at 11:55 am
i don’t know you outside of the blogosphere and even here i haven’t been reading for very long… but I can just tell that what you are considering “good enough” is probably really GREAT and AWESOME… just maybe not perfect in your mind!!
Give yourself a HUGE hug and pat on the back… and also a break…. so what about the sweats we all do it… WE DO!! 
the make up isn’t a big deal, I’m sure you are just as beautiful without it as you are with it… and the messy room… doesn’t every house have that?? I know sometimes I’m an over achiever b/c I have a few messy rooms!! 
have a great day!! enjoy your comfy sweats and your wonderful children!!
xoxoxoxo
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